THE SCARS: SAYING NO TO "PITY PARTY"

Pity party is a  way of experiencing grief, in which you spend
your time feeling sorry for yourself and whining
endlessly about how crappy your life is.
Pity parties can be just for one or for many
people, such as maybe your friends and close
people, who will try to comfort you or just be there
for you while you keep asking yourself what did
you do to deserve whatever it is that made you so
sad in the first place
Pity Parties require the proper outfit, which is
usually pajamas cause you dont get all dressed
up during those feeling-sorry-for-myself
moments. Also you should have no make up on or
just the one from the night before; hair undone as
well.
It also involves tissues, comfort food such as ice
cream; chocolate; potato chips; cookies; cake; and
candy. Low fat food is banned
Alcohol might or might not be allowed (if alcohol
makes you go wild, no alcohol should be brought
to the pity party in that case since the point is not
exactly to have fun). The purpose of a Pity Party
is to dump the pity
Music is also very important at pity parties,
including songs like "One is the Loneliest
Number", "All by Myself" and any other song that
makes you feel like throwing yourself from the
nearest cliff. I have come to stop you from your continuous whining.

You have got to come out from that depression, put on the best clothe, take up that new career, hobby and become useful to yourself and those around you. Truth is, when people say sorry today for your loss, they may not say it again tomorrow, you know why, everyone is caught up in his or her own drama, nobody gives a damn about yours. Theirs is hard enough and people are tired of hearing about your sorry story. And if you continue to indulge in your pity party, people avoid you because you exude negative, depressive energy. One word is use to describe you.."pathetic". Truth is living with my scars, I have learnt never to accept the pity party. You will be stuck on your problems and can never defeat them. You have got be the light in your dark situations. Your smiles should make a dark day bright. Are you going through that loss or pain that feels like you can run into the nearest car in motion or jump over a cliff? Take a deep breath...inhale and exhale...when you are done, close your eyes, picture yourself in a cool serene environment, filled with beautiful flowers, waves crashing, when you open your eyes smile broadly and you will discover that everything is going to be alright...The pity party is over, now pick up a task that is abandoned or feels impossible to complete and finish it. Thanks for reading...,stand above your scars.

BLAMING IT ON THE SCARS

I want to first and foremost thank the almighty God for the strength he has given me to write about my most challenging times. This is a story I never want to share because the memories are too painful. But something stronger than the pains and ugly memories gave me strength to share my story with you. And I hope that as you read you will have reasons to live for everything you have got. It took me three years to muster this courage and write to you. Today I am going to be talking about not blaming anything on your scars.

My Second  Day In the hospital After The Gas Exposion

 When the I was hospitalized as a result of the gas explosion, I had lots of visitors. Most of them were young men and women, singles who were curious about the extent of the damage the fire did to me. Some wept when they saw me like I had died. Some of my girlfriends who were single started making comments like I quote them "we that are beautiful and perfect without scars and injuries are finding it difficult to get married, come to talk about me who is heavily scarred. Played those words on my head. It felt like all hope is lost. Everything I had to live for is gone. My beauty, my skin, myself was lost in the fire. There was no way I was going to find love looking so monstrous then, no man in his clear senses will love me. Another friend of mine, one year after the accident told me and I quote "Ijeoma do you know that if not for the scars caused by the accident you would have being married?" I almost agreed with her but I eventually remembered that I was not born with the scars. Then I told her its not yet my time that is why I am still single, before the accident, I was beautiful and perfect, but still single, very lonely and needy. I kept meeting fake men that were only interested in my outward beauty, not staying long enough to fall in love with my inner self. With my beauty and perfection they never asked me to marry them. They wanted to play, I refused to play and chose to be all by myself. After the accident, I got rid of my lonely garment and found a reason to live for everything. Never blaming anything on the scar, to be a bit specific not blaming my being single today on my accident, I have found a reason to wait for Gods time. At least any man coming to me for marriage will not be after my bperfect skin because its no longer there but scarred. He will learn to know me, and gradually fall in love with my inward self.  My dear readers, I don't know what your scars look like, I don't know how many times you wished you lost something good because of them. But what I want to tell you is that, some good things can really happen from a very bad and ugly situation. Forget about what you lost because of your scars and focus on what you can gain with your scars. Truth is, I realize that my scars can be a blessing in disguise, so I have learnt to see the good sides in really bad situations. To know that we are Gods masterpiece, gold must go through fire to be refined. We certainly have to go through some harsh times, for the best in us to come out and be appreciated. So, stop blaming your current situation on your scars and find a reason to live for everything because the best has come to stay, scars or no scars everything will continue to work for our good. Bye for now, will continue next time.

RISING FROM YOUR SCARS PART 5

Welcome back....I am going to be talking about not allowing people  take advantage of you because of your scars. Here is my experience. Now the first set of people that comes your way and find a way to win your trust are people who knows that you will do anything to take off the scars. They are hustlers who intend to survive off your scars. They come bearing news of permanent solution and disappearance of your scars. They tell you how they know some foreigners whose practice is getting rid of scars. They demand money, being desperate to return back to my former good looking self, I fell prey several times to this people. One of them is an hospital in maitama abuja, hundreds of thousands was collected from me to get rid of the scars on my face but they ended up increasing the size of the  scar in my ears. As I write to you, I am not confident about embarking on any surgery since the experience. Aside from the effects of the bad job done, the pain almost killed me. If I should mention the name of the hospital, they will not only go out of business but will hunt me down and get rid of me. So let's keep it safe and leave out the ugliness. So I learnt my lessons and stopped entertaining sympathetic description, advice and recommendation from people who had no idea of what I was going through. The next set of people I encountered especially guys are those who ordinarily cannot approach me for anything but because of my scars they found boldness. You know the out of my league situation, yea, I was way out of their league. But they thought my value dropped because of the scars, they thought my worth decreased because of my scars, but I proved them wrong. Some were married men, who thought I was lonely and no single man is coming around me, they wanted to cheer me up. Men who could not feed their wives and pay their children school fees pitying me.....

I ask myself is my case so bad? One even told me openly that he always consider me too big and smart for him before the accident....but I couldn't accept my case is my case is that bad. I rejected them and told them that the scar does not stop me from wanting what I have always wanted. The scar did not change my preference in men. The scar did not make me lonely or needy or desperate. The scar did not reduce my worth and self-esteem. I can still reach where I am going and be who I want to be with the scars. I am still Ijeoma, nothing changed. The scar did not change me. Instead it made me stronger, more confident and more aware of who I am, what I want and who I want to spend my life with....will stop here for now, when I come we will talk about not blaming anything on the scars...whatever it is that is happening to you, don't blame it on the scars.

RISING ABOVE YOUR SCAR PART 4

Welcome back my audience, I said I am going to be talking about building self esteem despite the ugly scars. At first when the accident happened, I was not bold enough to have eyeball to eyeball conversation with those who came around me. I was scared of what I was going to see in their eyes. Pity? Hopelessness or rejection. When I walk on the road, people stare at me, some openly point fingers at me, I felt too obvious and was calling both necessary and unnecessary attention. I wanted to crawl back into the hole I came out from. I was only bold enough to walk at night. My family did everything to encourage me, once I contemplated suicide but you know taking your life is not easy and has everlasting consequences, for starters, the life isn't yours to take, it belongs to God. After this world, fire straight when you commit suicide. I love children, playing with them gives me great joy, when I extend my hands to some and they stare at the ugly scars they ran away, the courageous ones touches it and  looks at my facial expression to see if am in pains. You know I hear people say, if it happen to me, I will just die...truth is you do not know what you can survive until you are going through that situation. Most times our real strength, just how powerful we are is revealed in our time of pains, challenges and limitations.

On Long Sleeve Covering The Hands

 thing about calling attention can work together for our good. Here is the thing, because of my scars people recognize and recollects me easily. There many Ijeoma in this world, instead of saying hmmm I am the tall, fair, slim or fat Ijeoma, I cut it short by saying Ijeoma the fire victim. When you are taking your time to describe to the commissioner that you are the one he asks to come back the previous day, when I walk in, he recognizes me quickly, tells me to sit down because the scars makes me Stand out. Now I am just saying some bad, really messed up situation can be used to favour ourselves. One thing I hate is the pity party, that is why I never use my scars to beg. This is why I couldn't allow my hands to fail me despite the wounds. Although I still cover my hands with long sleeve dresses because if I reveal it, I will have to tell everyone who crosses my path the story behind my scar. When I walk on the road, I raise myself shoulder high, not feeling like I am the one with the worst problem, or giving you concern that my challenges cannot make me bring a good job home. My spirit is so high....I refuse to feel down. The worst thing that would have happened to me is death, but am I alive, so I have to discover the reason why God kept me alive and live life to its fullest. Realising this, rejection, breaksups no longer makes me bitter. Life is too short and sweet to be wasted on one person who is just not meant to be with you. Some people who tend to see my opens scars sympathise with me, but when I listen closely to their stories, and what they have been through, I realize that mine was a physical scar, most of them are emotionally, psychologically, mentally scarred or damaged. They need help and motivation to rise above their scars both open  and hidden scar. Someone once told me in a drunken state the day he came to cheer me up in the best way he knew how to. He said " before the fire, you used to be fair, now (after the fire accident) you are going to be black and famous. Although he was drunk that day, I realize today that what he said was very prophetic, because after the fire accident, places I could only go in my dreams and weirdest imaginations, I went in real life and shook hands with people of substance, history makers,cream de LA cream of the society. I will stop here today, just know that when you stand tall during challenges, the world will never be able to take advantage of you. When I return I will tell you why you should never give people a reason to kick you when you are down.....bye for now....

RISING ABOVE YOUR SCARS PART 3

Welcome back...i remembered vividly saying my scars which were supposed to be my greatest limitation, has now become my greatest strength...how? i will tell you...as a writer my hands are the source of my livelihood. my hands were mostly scarred by the explosion. i thought it was over for me, my greatest fear was living and having to rely on someone for the rest of my days....the injuries took time to heal, i remembered receiving a call from a nollywood executive producer to do a screenplay while receiving treatment in the hospital. i couldn't tell her what happened to me, because if i did, it would be over for me career wise....so i told her i was busy....two weeks after my discharge from the hospital, i received another call from the same producer asking me to write another movie. i couldn't tell her my two hands were covered with wounds and were still bleeding and severely painful. it felt like it was over for me, my biggest fear was waking up and realising i could no longer write again....the odds were against me delivering a successful and timely job, but i just couldn't call it quits....so i took the job, pretending to be perfectly alright, not knowing if i could trust my hands and deliver in due time. it was the movie Titled warri blood. with my wounded hands, very painful and bleeding, i put every fibre of my being into completing the job. i have always been known for completing the task in 7 days, so i was determined to beat the usual deadline. it was painful and trying, but something stronger than myself kept me going...i was in and it was too late to quit....i never forget the hilarious feeling i experienced when i finally typed " The End" to the movie. my greatest joy wasn't about finishing the movie,it was the fact that my hands were still alive, they can still work, still earn me money, still create and can still eventually hold my baby in the nearest future...

I experienced a rush of energy and sheer will.....i had nothing to be afraid, everything is going to be just perfect, i constantly reminded myself....with my wounded and scarred hands i was able to achieve exactly what i usually do when i was perfect...as i write to you my lovely audience, i have written other movies after the incident....my scars has continually reminded me that i can do all things as long as i set my heart to it and never quit....i stopped wearing facial make ups because i thought the face isn't healed fully from the fire, but a woman i admire so much told me that as long as the fire did not burn off my lips, i should never stop applying those hot lipsticks....she said i am still beautiful and gorgeous and i should carry myself as one....i will stop here today, when i return i will talk about building yourself esteem despite the scars....

RISING ABOVE YOUR SCARS PART 2

Welcome back my distinguished audience, i am talking about the story of my scars....emotionally and psychologically, it was a very trying time for me. i walk on the road and people point at me....some who had the courage asked me about my scars, others who couldn't ask what actually happened to me assumed the worst like bomb blasts or acid poured on me for God knows what....i could no longer wear my short sleeve clothes anymore as i concentrated on covering my ugly scars...i was fast approaching depression, was afraid to go out, worst case afraid of meeting people who knew me before.

Emotionally, it was very painful, guys that were asking me out, some proposing, as soon as they saw my picture and heard about the incident, they stopped contacting me....some stayed constantly reminding me that the man made for me will not mind the scars...it means they are not that man. At first I was mad at men in general. I felt real rejection...but later realised my scars was a blessing in disguise...I ask myself what if I was married to one of these men and the accident happens, they will definitely abandon me...these kinds of guys are attracted to the outward perfection. I initially blamed my loneliness and the continuous rejection on the scars but then I realise the scar is just what needs to happen for the man who will fall in love with my soul to find me....my life has become interesting again, filled with suspense, as I await that man....my scars which were supposed to be my greatest limitation became my greatest strength...how? Will tell you in my next post....bye for now...the story continues....thanks for reading....

RISING ABOVE YOUR SCARS Part 1

I am going to be writing briefly about my experience with scars. Truth is scars are ugly and discomforting. We could do anything to get rid of them. I suffered from a domestic gas explosion and was diagnosed with a second degree burn on my hands and face. Its been three years since the incident and the scars still looks like its yesterday. One year after the accident I could not accept the reality of my new face. I still have my old  pretty pictures as my screen savers and display photos. I could not accept the scars I see. When I sleep at night I was happy because when I dream, I see a scarless me but waking up and looking at the mirror brings back the harsh reality....I am scarred, it is what I see and I just have to accept it...

Scars On My Arms After The Incident

My FACE BEFORE THE ACCIDENT(SCARLESS)

I must tell you, I took me great courage to show this picture to you all. I have so much to say about my scars because the story behind it will inspire someone out there most especially those of us that are perfect without any physical challenges but still fails to appreciate and embrace their awesomeness. My scar story continues in my next post. We are still talking about rising above your scars. Let's not stop, the story just started......I will be right back