I will continue to write about my experiences as I gradually rise above my scars. Before the fire incident, I mean before my scar days, when I walk on the road and catches the stare of the opposite sex, I always feel admired except when I sense a glimmer of curiosity in their gaze. Looking back at those days and remembering how confident I used to be that I was admired made me somehow miss those sweet old days. But today, still healing from my visible and ugly scar, no matter how gorgeously dressed I appear, I still can't shake off the feeling that everyone who stares at me pities me.
It almost feels like the days when I receive compliments like "you are beautiful" are long gone. Today what I hear that seems like the best compliment I get is "you are one lucky lady". "You are very strong". Sometimes I still yearn for someone who will say you are beautiful and gorgeous despite your scars.
When some guys collects my phone number and ask me to be their friends, I wonder if they do this out of pity or admiration. I write this because this is the stage of am now and one great question I am trying to answer as I am still healing from my scars. Am I pitied OR admired? How can I tell which is which? How do I know he spends time with me because he admires me not the other way round. I guess the only way I can know is if he says it.... If he wants something, he will definitely say it... If he is not saying it, then he wants nothing. Sometimes I wish I could just scream at them saying "don't call me if the reason is because you pity me". "Don't text or chat me up if the reason is because you feel I am lonely, bored, have no friends and you pity me".
Dear readers I am not writing this to be pitied even more, I write this to be admired and appreciated. Do not pity me because I don't pity myself. I push myself really hard and do what you without scars will consider impossible to accomplish. That is how strong and solid I am..... I want to be admired not pitied despite my scars. Thanks for reading.
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